Limp: A Funny Memoir

Written by Simon Eli Vella

Limp is the darkly hilarious story of Simon Eli Vella’s epic battle with crippling introversion, substance abuse, and erectile dysfunction.

As a child, Simon is convinced there is something wrong with him. He is plagued with illness, has a nose shaped like a mountain range, and a distracting voice in his head is hell-bent on ruining his life.

Thus begins his desperate search for normality.

As a young adult Simon finds peer-group acceptance in alcohol and recreational drug abuse, triggering a rapid descent into a social underbelly where lurid clothing, incongruous piercings and hazardous hairstyles are the norm.

But he soon discovers a most unwelcome side-effect of his drug use, one which will dominate his psyche for years to come: a resolutely disobedient penis.

In a world where manhood is often implicitly defined by sexual prowess, and impotence generally associated with old age, Simon struggles to comprehend his flaccid appendage. After a binge-related visit to the emergency ward, he finally initiates some desperate lifestyle changes in the hope of exorcising his past demons.

However just as his dream of normality appears within grasp, multiple unexpected challenges suddenly converge on Simon, pushing him to the brink of sanity. These culminate in a tense appearance in the Supreme Court of Victoria, and a legal judgement that will alter the course of his life…

Get ready for a massively entertaining read that is part travelogue, part love story, and part thriller. Teeming with self-deprecating wit, Limp will take you on a funny, compelling and unpredictable journey that shows how everything we experience in life—every flaw, every fault, every ripple and tectonic shift—can lead to the place of our dreams.

“Comically chronicles a youth filled with social anxiety, drug abuse, and shiftless meandering. Impressive…satisfying…a humorous, free-wheeling account of youthful indiscretions.” –Kirkus Reviews

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