With candid honesty Oliver Markus Malloy explores the age-old question: “Can men and women ever really be just friends?” Women think so. But every man knows that it’s impossible. Read this book and find out what really goes on in a man’s mind. You will never look at opposite-sex friendships the same way again.
One in two marriages end in divorce. Often because a couple doesn’t notice how they slowly drift apart, because we have more in common with someone else and develop emotional intimacy with that someone else. We find some other shoulder to cry on, or we can’t wait to tell that someone else about our day. And then eventually people cheat with these co-workers or friends of the opposite sex.
Your marriage has a 50% chance of falling apart. So when you feel insecure and jealous about your significant other’s close opposite-sex friend, you’re not being paranoid, you’re being realistic. And if you have a close opposite-sex friend, you can’t blame your partner for worrying that sooner or later it will break up your relationship somehow.
Divorce statistics don’t take into account all your other relationships that fell apart. If you dated nine men before you got married, that means your relationships so far had a 90% failure rate. And most likely meeting someone of the opposite sex (maybe when you went to college, or started a new job) and getting close with him had something to do with that. Do you really need a close intimate friend of the opposite sex that increases the odds even further that your current relationship will break apart too?
We men know that most of you women want to have an emotional connection with someone before you sleep with him. We men know that a lot of you women think it’s romantic to be friends first, and then the friendship blossoms into a relationship. Men know that we have to jump through all these hoops first, before we can get laid. And that’s really all romance and courtship is to a man: hoops we have to jump through to get laid.
We men pretend to be “just a friend” at first, even though we want to sleep with you from day one. Otherwise we wouldn’t be spending any time, money or attention on you, because these are limited resources and we need these resources to attract a mate. We can’t afford to squander them. So we apply these resources to the female that looks to be our best bet to get laid. But we also know that we can’t tell you on day one that we want to sleep with you, because you’ll think it’s creepy. So we play along with the illusion that it’s “just a friendship” that “suddenly” developed into more, when you finally feel inclined to sleep with us “because we have a deep connection.” But that was really our goal from day one.
You can do a simple test: Next time you talk to your best male friend, tell him that you feel very close to him and that you have been thinking about what it would be like to sleep with him, because you two have this deep connection. Ask him if he would be open to that. Of course he will say yes. Because that was the whole reason why he was courting and wooing you in a slow process that you mistook for “just being friends.”